Confessions Of A Fat Girl I

09 Oct 2010 1 Comment

by nutamunet in Personal Growth Tags: african american women and weight, natural essence, personal growth, weight

Okay, so before I start be warned that this blog series is not going to be all pretty. There will be somethings that I discuss in here that may piss people off. Including some members of my family. Understand that certain things that I discuss in here are given from one perspective, MINE, and that is because it is my blog. I am discussing certain events and how they impacted my life. Some may agree or disagree. It is what it is!

This blog is called “Confessions Of A Fat Girl.” Yes, the fat girl is me. I have spent so much time trying to “fix” the outside not realizing that the change has to begin on the inside. I wanted to lose weight for someone elses approval and there are times when I still have that feeling. I found out that losing weight for someone else is just stupid! People will always find something wrong with you so the point is to be at peace with the Self and getting to know the Self. That is the path I am on now.

I have always been a big girl. I developed my breast before anyone else in my 6th grade class and by the time I was in high school I ate myself into the catagory of being overweight. My father had very little sympathy or like for overweight women and I was often a target for some of his comments. I grew up very self conscious and feasted on any praise I received in reference to my looks (those comments were few and far between). I grew up and dropped a lot of weight. However, after having two children and coming out of an abusive relationship I blew up from 160lbs to 320lbs. Thanks to my sister and brother-in-law, I was able to drop a considerable about of weight, but I still have a way to go.

My weight comes because of various reasons…

1. I love junk food. Isn’t it a shame that I love something classed as JUNK food. You would think the very name alone would keep me from eating it. I mean c’mon. Can we really sue  McDonalds and be mad at the Hostess company when they are telling us what it is….JUNK! But I used this food as my drug. It sedated me and I had a love/hate relationship with it. I loved the taste, texture and the euphoric feeling I received, but when I came down off my high, I hated myself for indulging in it and hated the weak and pathetic fat girl.

2. Pure laziness. I am not going to lie, I HATE to exercise. I like to do activities, but I can’t standing exercising.

3. I eat when I am depressed and bored. For a while that was just about every day after I got out of my abusive relationship.

4. And this one is ver important…..EXCUSES. I am good at excuses and it comes to doing something that I know I should be doing, but don’t want to do…I can give some great excuses! Bottom line, it’s really spouting crap!

So, why am I doing this now. Well, I am 38 years old. I already lost 70 lbs. I said, I refuse to go into 40 carrying baggage from my childhood, teens, 20′s & 30′s along with extra weight.  This is my time to really purge and let go. I have so many wonderful things going in my life and I have come so far in my Spirit, that it is just time for me to go the rest of the way.

I think none of us truly realize that how what you carry on the inside reflects on the outside. We think a simple diet will change everthing and it is so much more than that. Yes, you do want to change your eating habbits, but you also want to change how you think and act.

This is going to be an interesting journey for me.

To be continued…..

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